I've been so blessed! It has been 4 months since I've been home. And it feels like it has been longer. I think of my South African friends and Lambano almost every single day! It has been a hard journey...unfortunately one of me failing to cling to God, and turn to Him first. I knew He would take me back there if it is His plan, and ideally I would want to within a year or 2, for a longer time period.
It has been so hard, and I knew it was my heart and my attitude. The way I felt and all my emotion towards God was wrong. I felt like I couldn't pray or read His Word; to walk a daily Christian life. I think that I was angry and hurt for leaving South Africa when it felt so right living there. But I made it worse on myself for not turning to God, like if I did I would have to accept I was home when I really didn't want to. I knew I needed to, but it was the one thing I didn't want to do.
Recently the Holy Spirit has been work on me. I've repented for my attitude and asked for forgiveness from my Savior. I praise Him for His overwhelming love and patience with me while I am still on this journey, it is a working progress. I pray that it will ring in my heart that God is all I need. I don't know what the specific work is that He has for me, but I know I have to stay in it, for God is all I need! I pray that Jesus washes me over and over again for the one thing I desire is Him, God is all I need. I pray that I will no longer grieve the Holy Spirit and that His work in my life will be evident in glorifying God!
God never left me and I never walked alone or was on my own even thought it felt like it alot of the time I was ignoring Him. God is faithful and sovereign! He is in control!